Question: Hey hey! As a married woman , age almost 35 , with an active sex drive and a husband of the same age with not as much drive ... what are some of the signals or things that you say or do to let your lover know that you're in the mood?
Answer: This is such a great question. First, I'm wondering if there has been a change in your husband's sex drive or if he's always had a lower drive than yours. Which is normal- people have all different needs for their sex life, but it's about knowing what his constant is.
If his sex drive has always been lower than yours, I would try to get him to help you get yourself off! You can masturbate during those times when you're horny and he isn't and if he's willing, he can play with you while you play with yourself- kissing you, playing with your tits, slapping your ass, using a toy- whatever you need. That way you are satisfied and he doesn't have to feel pressured to get erect and orgasm if he doesn't want to.
If his lower sex drive is a new thing, try to figure out what is affecting him. Stress, change of confidence, change of schedule are all things that can affect someone's sex drive. Figure out a plan to address those underlying issues and hopefully his sex drive will return to his normal.
Now, if none of those are happening and you're just trying to spice things up, here are some suggestions that we have:
Try "dirty talk"! Dirty talk can be just asking for what you want in a more descriptive way for example saying "I want the tip of your tongue to kiss my inner thighs & lick around my pussy lips until I beg you to suck on my clit". Just be descriptive and explicit!!
Come up with a code word that you both agree means "I want to have sex" maybe think of a word or phrase that turns you both on & make that the code word.
Come up with a "mating call" this is something that you do that lets your lover know that it's time to get sexy. Maybe it's a sexual position or an outfit you put on.
Try framing it in a compliment, something like "hey sexy, I love it when you're inside of me, want to play?"
Take initiative. Especially for those of us raised to be women, we might believe that we have to wait for our partner to initiate sex. Next time y'all are together and you're feeling horny, start kissing on his neck, sucking his ear, and taking off your/ his clothes. Remember affirmative consent- so if he doesn't respond with actions that let you know he also wants to be sexual, then don't push it.
Hope this helps!
xo- Dalychia + Rafaella