what you should know about fingering

question:

Hi Afrosexology,

It seems like I often experience vaginal irritation and sometimes bacterial vaginosis when fingering occurs during sex. Can fingering cause BV and what is the likelihood of STD transmission?

answer:

Hello love,

Thank you for this question. It isn’t common that digital sex, aka fingering, is covered in sex education, so we are glad to dive into it! We’ll start by describing the range of hand sex, how to make it more pleasurable, and ways to minimize risk of discomfort and infection.

What is hand sex?

Hand sex, or manual sex, describes the use of the hands and fingers to sexually stimulate genitals. This can range from:

• Using the fingers to stimulate the vulva and anus.

• Using the fingers to penetrate the vagina and rectum.

• Stroking a penis.

• Putting a hand inside a vagina or rectum, aka fisting.

Though hand sex is a great way to explore the body, it’s often placed in a category of foreplay or remembered as a sort of nostalgic sexual experimentation. However, many people place hand sex at the center of their sexual experience for a variety of reasons. Fingering, specifically, is one of the most effective ways to stimulate the clitoris toward orgasm and the g-spot for squirting. Likewise, using the fingers to gently explore anal stimulation can be a great introduction to anal play.

increasing safety during fingering

Hygiene

You’ve probably been taught that the vagina is self-cleaning and there is no need for douching and using soaps inside the vagina. This is very true and the vagina will do what it can to maintain its pH balance, but it is no match for germs from pens, doors you’ve held, your keyboard, the blunt you passed, the bag of chips you bought and ate, the handrails you’ve gripped and more. 

So, help the body out by cleaning the body parts and toys that will go inside the vagina/anus, and don’t worry about internal cleaning itself. For anal play, many people have questions about poop and odor. Know that poop doesn’t stay in the lower part of rectum, so going to the bathroom beforehand and taking a warm shower should relieve any worries.

Clean nails, fingers, and hands are a must to prevent discomfort, tears, and infection. Be mindful of lotions and ask partners about allergies and sensitivities. You can also use a barrier method, i.e. internal/external condoms, dental dams, or gloves for added comfort and protection.

Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs)

Because there is no exchange of bodily fluids during hand sex, the risk of HIV transmission is nearly impossible. STIs transmitted by skin-to-skin contact, such as HSV, is more plausible than HIV during hand sex because herpes is most contagious when sores are open and can still spread without any visible sores. So avoid sexual contact or use a barrier method during a herpes outbreak and wash your hands immediately afterwards.

While STIs from hand sex is not as high of a risk as during penetrative sex, you still want to be mindful to play with care by using lube and not being rough. This is because if tears are caused and unprotected penetrative sex follows hand sex, the risk of STI transmission will be present.

how to be better at hand sex

Although we have tips for different ways to manually stimulate genitals, it’s important to check in with the person you are having sex with to learn what they prefer and if they like the techniques you explore with them. So the first piece of advice for having better sex with another person is to communicate. Talking about sex is one reliable way to ensure that you and all those involved are having the sex you want to have.

External stimulation

Everyone’s body is different but having a solid understanding of sexual anatomy will come in hand as your fingers begin to explore. When stimulating a vulva, keep in mind that you want to warm up first. You can do this by massaging your hands in an oil that your partner enjoys because smooth skin is always a win. Then cup your hand and place it right over the vulva. Slowly rotate your hand around the perimeter of the vulva, massaging the area, while you use your other hand to caress your partner’s body. From there, add lube and use your fingers to rub or massage the labia from the outside and work your way towards the clitoris. The clitoris is a very sensitive area and moving towards stimulating it first can be unpleasant and painful. Be sure that your partner is aroused before you decide to stimulate the clitories.

Rimming, or massaging the outside of the anus with your finger, is another form of digital play. Add your favorite oil or lube to decrease friction and discomfort and use a variety of movements by changing the pace, rhythm, and pressure of the massage. Check in with your partner verbally and by watching their body language to determine if they are enjoying themselves.

Exploring the vulva and the outside the anus can feel sensational for many. But don’t assume your partner wants penetration and always ask. If you’re the receiver, don't feel pressure to want penetration either. You can enjoy the sensation of external play for as long as you’d like. If penetration becomes an option for you, make sure you’re warmed up and let your partner know when you feel ready for more.

Internal stimulation

Fingering a vagina and rectum can be different in some ways and very similar in other ways. For example, one difference is that the vagina is self-lubricating and the anus is not. This means that while using lube is highly recommended for all genital play, using lube for anal penetration is a must to minimize the risk of pain. And for the similarities, it’s important to know that there are thousands of nerves on the outside of both the vaginal and anal opening, which is why external play can be so enjoyable.

Additionally, due to the location of the g-spot and prostate in the vagina and anus, respectively, the majority of the nerves are just within two inches of the entrance of the vagina and anus, making shallow penetration very pleasurable. To stimulate these areas, you can try using an upward ‘come hither’ motion, a circular motion, a pulsation motion, or a combination of all three. Again, this can vary for different people, their bodies, and what they enjoy so be open to discuss and explore accordingly.

For the person on the receiving end of hand sex, you might try masturbating in front of your partner to show them what you like. If you aren’t quite sure what you enjoy, try doing our Masturbation Challenge.

A few things to keep in mind:

1. Antibacterial soaps can cause irritation, so use mild soap and rinse suds off well.

2. Clean behind/under the nails, too.

3. Have trimmed and smoothed nails and remove hangnails to reduce risk of discomfort or causing any tears on the vaginal and rectal walls.

4. Wear gloves as another safety precaution against transmitting bacteria or causing tears. Inquire about latex and other allergies.

5. Use lube to minimize friction and risk of tears.

6. Slower is better. Leave the jackhammering motions out of it!

7. Remember, good hygiene is important during any type of sex!

We hope this was helpful in better understanding what might have been the cause of your discomfort and that you know how to prioritize your pleasure and safety moving forward.

With pleasure, peace, and power, 
Dalychia & Rafaella