pillow talk
Pillow Talk is our blog where we provide answers to your most erotic, intimate, vulnerable, and sexy questions. We respond with sex-positive, pleasure-centered, medically accurate sex education to help you navigate some of your most pressing concerns. Join us in the conversation by submitting your questions here.
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reclaiming what it means to be a sexual Black woman.
Q: Personally I find it hard to think about me being sexual and a black woman because there are sooo many bad stereotypes that I don’t know how to get past, like in porn it’s much easier for me to watch porn with white people than black people because I think of what the world thinks of us. It’s hard because we are all seen as ghetto as black people so when I hear other black people talk like that I get turned off sometimes. I just don’t want it to be a black thing if that makes sense at all.
what you should know about fingering
Q: It seems like I often experience vaginal irritation and sometimes bacterial vaginosis when fingering occurs during sex. Can fingering cause BV and what is the likelihood of STD transmission?
4 practices for building a culture of consent
Q: Since #MeToo, my friends and I have been talking more about rape culture and the many ways our culture normalizes assault, like romanticizing Steve Urkel's decade-long harassment of Laura Winslow.
what you need to know about lube
Q: So often I feel like I need to use lube but I feel embarrassed. I feel like I’m too young to have to use lube but I’m also working on challenging that because I’ve seen a lot of posts mention how beneficial it is…
sexual pleasure anatomy 101
Q: I’m embarrassed to admit this but I’m in my mid-30s and I just learned about the clitoris…
sex gets better with age
Q: I’ve been single for three years since my marriage of 17 years ended in divorce. I have been hesitant to date and having sex brings up a lot of emotions, mostly anxious…
sex, relationships, and chronic pain
Q: I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis two years ago, right when I was starting to get deeper into learning about reclaiming my sexuality and pleasure….
can exes be friends?
Q: Sometimes it genuinely feels like we’re just really good friends. Other times it feels really messy like we’re falling into old habits and a relationship again…
I don’t desire sex
Q: I’m a Black man in my 20’s who doesn’t really have a sex drive. Even though I loved the people I dated, I never wanted to have sex and feel like something is wrong with me…
how to masturbate in front of your partner
Q: My partner loves watching me masturbate but I often get shy and then feel like I'm taking too long and then can't orgasm…
preparing for your first threesome
Q: I am interested in exploring same sex interactions with my partner who is 100% supportive but keep finding myself holding back…
4 practices for healing genital shame
Q: I feel a bit ashamed of how my genitalia looks so how can I work through this shame?
ways to fully embrace your sexual kinks
Q: My partner and I are very sex-positive people who enjoy orgies and swinging. I've been feeling some anxiety about doing it more often because I'm afraid that it's becoming more of a lifestyle than a hobby…
what to do when your partner isn’t giving you oral sex
Q: I love getting oral and giving it, but my partner doesn’t like giving oral but he sure does enjoy receiving it…
tips for enjoying solo & partnered pleasure
Q: What are the ways that I can “turn off my mind” (anxiety, shame, dysphoria) and learn to enjoy myself solo and with a partner?
how to be present during sex after experiencing sexual trauma
Q: I experienced sexual trauma as a kid and notice that when I masturbate or have sex, in order to enjoy I have to disassociate from reality and go into a dream/fantasy world…
experiencing pleasure after a herpes diagnosis
Q: Hello, I've been finding it hard to connect with being sexually liberated due to the fact that I have HSV2…
why don’t I enjoy sex?
Q: Embarrassed to admit that I'm a woman who struggles with sex. I don't necessarily enjoy penetration, I actually struggle with it…
is porn bad? overcoming shame and permitting pleasure
Q: Suggestions for having a healthier relationship with porn; I enjoy it during watching but feel guilty / off afterward.
how to find porn for Black women
Q: My question is, do you know of any ethical porn that features Black women, specifically full-figured Black women?
how do I become a sex educator?
Q: I believe that one day I would like to be a sexologist or sex educator. I just can’t find the steps to take to become one. How do I get into this kind of career?
love notes FROM our community
"The workshop was PHENOMENAL and an absolute pleasure and joy to share safe space with other Black women. I felt comfortable enough to be vulnerable and share my truths; I left the workshop feeling replenished and grateful.”
Danielle Gilmore, Black 32, queer, exploring polyam
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